Until We Both Can Keep Going...

In the midst of the storm

I throw my arms around you

I press you tight against my heart

And pray that calm will find you

Racked with devastation

Your miserable wailing fills the air

And all I can do is hold you

Keep telling you mama’s right there

I can feel your sorrow

Your body fights itself

You move and tumble all about

Dangling from every shelf

Everything comes at you

All at once in a blinding rush

You get so overwhelmed

And wish the world would hush

I want nothing more than to free you

From the “too much” in your mind

Dim the lights and quiet the house

Make the peace you can’t seem to find

I’ll tuck you in against me

Rock you long into the night

If that is what it takes to help you

I’ll do whatever’s right

Seeing you so anxious

Makes my heart hurt in my chest

I want to find the ways to help you

I promise I’ll do my best

So in this moment I will hold you

Keep my words soft and loving

Stopping for this precious time

Until we both can keep going…

My armor...

You do not see my armor

You do not see my sword

But every day I fight the battle

That keeps us moving forward

Throw your pain upon me

Let me absorb the blows

Because the hurt I’d take in your place

Only Heaven knows

I’ll jump in front of bullets

Stand up for you high and low

I’ll try to stop the hands of time

Though it never seems to slow

I can only be your shield

For a short amount of time

Eventually the hurt moves past

This fragile heart of mine

So for now I’ll ask the questions

Hear what the doctors have to say

Because I’ll have to tell it all to you

When you ask me one day

And when you’re sleeping

In your bed safe down the hall

I’ll cry into my pillow

And let my armor fall

The Snow

Softly falling
So pristine
The snow rips out my mind

It's so pure
I'm so messy
There's no peace I can find

Tug of war
Back and forth
Why can't we just agree?

Constant battle
Tit for tat
What's best for the small parts of me?

Balance thrown
Hope unknown
Why is the ground spinning?

Swirled with white
But seeing red
Some times I think he's winning

Good for me
May be bad for them
And I can't hurt their hearts

Cutting ties
He's telling lies
The final push apart

He's done his best
To drive a wedge
And make this ending worse

I hold my tongue
And bite my lip
Try my best not to curse

Being bigger
Isn't easy
But it's the best for all

It's about them
Not about me
So my back's against the wall

Time will mend
This open wound
Though my heart pounds like the gavel

Out the window
Snow keeps falling
As I slowly unravel

Your head on my chest...

There is an ease that comes with this,
Your fragile head against my chest.
Your hair strewn wild and all about,
Your breath slow and steady from your tiny pout.

Your whole hand wrapped round just one finger,
The scent of your bath and candy mingle.
Little toes slid under my thigh,
You snuggle in my lap as I slowly sigh.

The days are long and battles wage,
Your youth against my presumed sage.
You are a fire, burning bold and bright,
You consume me whole when we fuss and fight.

By this time of day, I am but embers,
Barely a glow left to my cinders.
You warm yourself against my heart,
And rest yourself for the next day's start.

Our squabbles forgotten in the closing darkness,
We find our footing in our mutual tiredness.
One day you won't fit in my lap,
You'll be weary to cuddle close to nap.

Just know that when that day arrives,
My lap is yours as long as I am alive.
Lay your fragile head against my chest,
I'll still hold you close and let you rest.

Though we may not always get along,
My heartbeat can always be your favorite song.
So listen closely, crawl up close to me.
Wrap your hand around my finger and just let it all be.

I love the ease that comes with this,
I love your fragile head against my chest.
I love your wild hair strewn all about, too.
But most of all, I'll always love you.

Sparks in the Dark

Shove you, jar you, make you cry.

Bend you, push you, mold your eye.

Make you feel these things I see,

Draw you in, turn you into me.

This undying urge to bring forth life,

To make the things that lead to strife.

It burns like lights and leaves a stamp,

It shakes my hands until they cramp.

My art, my fire, my heart, my soul,

I want to make the things until I grow old.

So many ideas trapped in my head,

Will they all leave this world with me once I am dead?

I want to spill them out for all to view,

I need to purge my mind, put it all in you.

Stolen moments spent honing my craft,

Are never enough to close off this draft.

An endless pressure to do the damned thing,

Leaves me questioning if I’m cut out for parenting.

Wishing for my eye pressed close to a lense,

While tiny little asses I constantly cleanse.

The briefest of moments when our souls connect,

Make it all seem magnificent as I wait for the next.

But in between, I want to share the lightening,

Invite others to this ride, let them see all that’s amazing.

But the butts must be clean and the laundry as well,

And I toil my days away in uncreative minutia hell.

Inspiration strikes and I run to record my muses,

But I step on a Lego, then dinner everyone refuses.

Less and less, I’m finding the spark.

I’m losing myself to mundane stories in the dark.

I want to stretch their brains and give them inspiration,

But homework is killing the creative in our house and our nation.

I need time in a bottle to find the lost parts of us,

Because if we don’t create, all our souls will rust.

Stop with the demands of perfection in society,

Leave behind the crumbs and come create with me.

Leave the mess, the laundry, the cleaning behind,

Do whatever makes happiness something you can find.

Give yourself permission to free your thoughts and wishes,

Before this life’s over and we’re all swimming with the fishes.

The Space Between

Somewhere in the space between
Where your hand reaches to touch me
Lies all who've dared touch me before
The wretched bones and the hearts so pure.

The ones who've left me broke and bent
The ones who've gripped until their hearts were spent
The casual taps and the hate-filled shoves
The bruised hand prints and the tightest hugs.

The air's electric all around me
Please let your touch be one that astounds me
Because I've walked this path a hundred times
It's like it makes a loop and then rewinds.

The stiffened arms and silent glares
The pained looks and the slack jawed stares
I never meant to put up this electric fence
But the years have taught me it's my best defense.

Sticks and stones have broken my hope
The words and taunts frayed my last rope
And in the midst of it all I withdrew my heart
Buried it behind all the broken parts.

Don't let your hands be the last break
The hurt that becomes all I can take
Because the me you see across the space between
Is all that's left after all who've touched me.